LBJ Coaching Newsletter

June 30, 2008

How Conflicts Can Blind you

Filed under: June 2008 — itisallaboutlife @ 8:08 am

A long time ago a conflict exploded on Lake Titicaca on the border between Chile and Bolivia. The story of this conflict and its unsuccessful conclusion became famous thanks to an anthropologist who studied the events leading to the conflict and the factors that prevented a solution.

It all started when the government officials approached the local population regarding the new Lake Titicaca nature preserve and the local peasants reacted with an insurrection. The plan of the government would significantly reduce access of the local population to the reeds growing in beds by the lake. The reeds were the main resource of the local economy.

This is when the conflict began and the anthropologist Benjamin Orlove started to observe the process.

In order to demonstrate that the reeds beds were used by the local community and particularly to show which communities were relying on which portions of the lake, a handmade map was made (see image below).

The government to prepare for the opening of the nature preserve on Lake Titicaca produced official maps of the same area simultaneously. These maps were produced for the Peruvian citizenship to show the organization of the territory in the nature preserve and to highlight tourist facilities in the region. (see the map below). 

There are some obvious differences between the two maps as Orlove reported. For example, the peasant’s map excludes the area’s cities, while the government map omits the communities surrounding the lake.

However, the two maps have an important aspect in common. Both maps appear to represent the respective views of the mapmakers by including what is relevant for the mapmakers and excluding what is not important or not acknowledged.

Furthermore, in this analysis Orlove discovered that both maps were made in such a way that only the creator of the map could actually understand it fully.

A meeting of both parties occurred to discuss the situation on Lake Titicaca, at which time both maps were presented.

However, the peasants did not examine the government’s map closely, and the government officials limited their observations to a superficial level, simply remarking on the different appearances.

The resolution of this conflict was unhappy. Orlove’s analysis concluded that the main reason behind this failure was to be found in the dynamic of the parties involved. Both focused only on putting forward their own opinions and needs. The total neglect of the opinions and needs of the other side literally blinded both parties resulting in a failed negotiation.

 

Making maps the other can understand

In a conflict there are two opposing points of view and normally each party has a chance to give their perspective. Too often we explain our position disregarding how important it is for our message to be heard and understood correctly by others. We need to speak a shared language to be understood.

 

Opening up to see the map of the other

If we are in a conflict, chances are we are not working much to listen and understand the other side. It’s as if we already knew our opponent was wrong and there was no need to listen carefully. This is, as assumptions can be, quite dangerous.

 

The possible solutions to a conflict

It is extremely revealing to consider what are the solutions you consider possible in any given conflict. Taking the example above and considering the side you sympathize with, ask yourself: what are the possible solutions?

You can ask yourself the same question thinking of a conflict you are currently experiencing. Which possible solutions do you see at the moment?

If you can consider only two possibilities, I win or I loose, you are probably still emotionally involved and stuck in a conflict dynamic.

When you begin to explore additional options you are opening up to confrontation and honest dialogue. Going down this road you’ll soon meet the ideal solution, the so-called ‘win-win-win’. This means that both parties are acknowledged for what is critical for them (win-win) and there is even a return on the environment the parties live in (win). 

 

Lara Briozzo Jagersma

www.larabriozzo.com

 

CREATIVE GYM – The Balancing Act

Filed under: June 2008 — itisallaboutlife @ 8:02 am

 

What is it a creative gym?  This is the place where you start exercising your creative muscles.

What can you do here? The mother of all exercises is direct experience. This is what the creative gym offers.

What? This month it is about Conflicts, so you’ll experience how they work and their potential.

 

The most important lesson from the story of Lake Titicaca is that clearly explaining your point of view in a conflict is as important as listening carefully to what the other has to say.

When you don’t listen in a conflict it is because a wide range of emotions clouds you. This is natural, however, it can keep you with both feet in the same conflict for a long time.

Your emotions are legitimate and deserve a space, however, not all the space in the conflict.

I invite you to step out of the conflict, set aside your interest and your point of view. Let the emotions rest for a little while as you observe the situation with fresh eyes and from the outside.

Hopefully from this perspective you can see more of the picture painted by the other side of the conflict. Maybe you will even understand the other side, see their point.

This is the balancing act.

 

The conflict surely looks and feels different from this new perspective. This is an important first step. Maybe it is all it takes to solve the conflict. 

 

Lara Briozzo Jagersma

www.larabriozzo.com

May 21, 2008

Making Decisions with Your ‘Inner Team’

Filed under: Issue May 2008 — itisallaboutlife @ 4:21 pm
Tags:

‘If I quit this project I’m going to reduce stress in the short term, but if I stay I may have some interesting opportunities in the coming months’

‘If I enrol in this course I’m going to get a lot of support and meet a lot of like minded people, but if I don’t, I’m going to save a lot of money and have more free time for my family’.

There are so many different aspects to a decision, so many pro’s and con’s. Weighting them all and determining their priority can be a challenge.

What your heart wants and what is the best rational choice and what you believe is best choice for you and the people in your life.

Last year I read about an American woman who developed a really effective and simple tool to help the steering process through the hurdles of decision making. She calls it: 10 – 10 – 10.

When making a decision, she says, you need to consider the consequences of your decision as they relate to time. More specifically, she suggests considering three perspectives:

1-   What consequences will your decision have in 10 minutes?

2-   What consequences will your decision have in 10 days?

3-   What consequences will your decision have in 10 months?

It seemed far too simple to be as effective as the author claimed, so I tested it and then I tested it again until I discovered something. Every question in its simplicity addresses a specific aspect of the personality.

When I consider the consequences within 10 minutes I get an answer from the child that has little patience, a lot of creative ideas and no time to lose pursuing short terms fun plan. The 10 days term signals the parent energy and its different ideas and priority. This is a more balanced and responsible energy focused on the day-in and day-out rhythm. The 10 months perspective can be the grandparent perspective with a vision for the future, clear and wisely informed.

All it takes is spontaneously answering to the question:

’What consequences will your decision have in 10 minutes?’

This speaks to the part of the personality focused on the short term: immediate result and enjoyment. What makes this investigation fruitful and exciting is to re-discover your own young voice inside with its talents, its point of view and its potential.

‘What consequences will your decision have in 10 days?’ triggers a more down to hearth and responsible voice. What is special and worth discovering about your own responsible voice? Let’s say your down-to-hearth sub-personality is suggesting not leaving a specific project. I certainly would like to have some insight to the reasons why.

What about the more mature and wise aspect of your personality focused on the 10 months timeline? There is so much this voice could reveal to you. This is the voice that can help you connect what you do today to your life long plan.

Asking these three simple questions then is like asking for advice to three influential member of your inner team, three members representing three completely different perspectives and points of view: the child representing the youthful point of you, the responsible parent and the wise grand parent. 

My conclusion is that the simplicity of this formula doesn’t reduce its effectiveness. The three straightforward questions set off three key sub-personalities that you can look at for advice in making your decision with more clarity.

It is not much different from making a decision with a team, only the team is an inner team and you have the final word.

 

© 2008 Lara Briozzo Jagersma

 

Resources:

Find out more about decision-making:

http://www.larabriozzo.com/PolaritiesEN.html

Read more about sub-personalities

http://www.delos-inc.com/Reading_Room/articlesbyhs.html

Mind map on line your decision process:

http://www.mindmeister.com/

Source of the image in the article: 

http://www.westhillgallery.co.uk/

March 22, 2008

REFLECT - Smart Goals & Tarots Cards

Filed under: Issue March 2008 — itisallaboutlife @ 2:01 pm
Tags:

If you are reading this newsletter you have some sort of interest in coaching. You may be considering working with a coach or wanting to find out more about coaching and wonder which method of work would suits you best.
The experiences that lead me to become a coach are rich and diverse. After having used a number of business-like approaches and spiritually driven and more insightful techniques I came to appreciate how opposites tend to complete each other.

It always starts with a goal, an objective to pursue, a dream to realize or a question to answer.

It continues with the choice of a method: SMART goal setting, Tarots or both?

SMART goal setting and Tarot are just two examples that show how many and different ways can be used to tackle your project. Both approaches are really dear to me. They helped me clarify, pursue and realize many dreams and objectives in my life and in my practice with clients.

I learned to use one or the other depending on the situation and only with time I realized how they can be used together effectively.
I personally believe in a fruitful combination between SMART goals setting and Tarots. Like two sides of the same coin they are opposite and complementary and can add value to each other.

tarot-4.png

(This card is from the deck created for the book of Franca Errani Civita ‘I Venti del Risveglio’)

I want to complete my project by the end of this year’ said the manager to the coach.
Let’s start by making your goal a SMART goal’, said the coach.

A SMART goal is: Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Result oriented and Time framed objective. Expressing an objective in these terms creates the basis for a good realization plan. It enhances clarity and highlights shadow areas.

I really want to change my job’ said an unsatisfied clerk to a Tarot coach.
Choose one card from the deck’ replied the Tarot coach.

tarot-21.png

(This card is from the deck created for the book of Franca Errani Civita ‘I Venti del Risveglio’)

Tarot cards are used here as a personal development tool. The Tarot coach facilitates a process through the observation and reflection on the archetypical images provided by Tarots. Tarots cards are evocative images that trigger self-introspection and reveal to you the answer to questions such as: what do you really want and why? What are you afraid of?

SMART goals helped the manager to improve the structure of his project and find the weak areas that needed attention. It all ended very well.
However the manager hasn’t really discovered which aspects of his personality are motivated by this project and which parts are not comfortable with it. There may be a neglected inner child behind the weak areas in the project who may find new ways to be noticed in the future.

The work with the Tarot cards helped the clerk to understand why she wanted another job and lead her to a conscious and well considered decision about her career. She is very satisfied and feels much more serene about her situation.
Nevertheless she still doesn’t have a plan or a clear goal to pursue. She is struggling with the practical side of things and this makes her vulnerable to future dissatisfaction.

SMART goal setting gives an excellent structure to your objective.
Tarots cards can offer a great insight to your motivations and resistances.
You get the solid basis of a logic structure from the SMART model combined with an adventure of personal awareness revealed through the Tarot cards.
You obtain great insight to your current personal experience with the Tarots and you complete it with a sound action plan.
The combination of the two is a fantastic recipe for success.

If your feminine and more intuitive side works together with the male and more rational side in you.
If you can appreciate the gift that each of them has to offer you.
If you can transform the contradiction into a combination.

‘Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it’ (Rudyard Kipling)

When you can include both polarities in your solution you have it all.
The greatest gift this way of working offers you is empowerment.
Empowerment comes from the awareness of the different aspects of your personality involved in the process of realizing your goal, awareness of your inner voices and your ability to manage these energies from an aware space.

Lara Briozzo Jagersma

Copyright 2008 Lara Briozzo-Jagersma - www.larabriozzo.com

EXPERIENCE – The Creative Gym

Filed under: Issue March 2008 — itisallaboutlife @ 2:01 pm

What is it a creative gym? This is the place where you start exercising your creative muscles.
What can you do here? The mother of all exercises is direct experience. This is what the creative gym offers.
What? This month it is about Tarot cards, so you’ll experience how they work and their potential.

There is beautiful Tarot deck created by Maria Grazia Ogier. She was collaborating with Franca Errani Civita when she wrote her book about Tarots ‘I Venti de Risveglio’ (The Winds of Awakening). This is my favourite deck and is available on line through the website of Franca Errani Civita. The website is in Italian, however following my instructions you will be able to pick a card from the on line deck and work with Tarots even if you don’t understand Italian.

In the page that is linked below is possible to shuffle the deck (click where you read ‘Mescola il mazzo’) and choose one of the cards. As you choose a card you can have in mind a particular theme.
This is a perfect solution if you don’t have a deck of Tarot or if you want to work with this beautiful deck. You will familiarize with the use of Tarot and discover something of yourself.

So, choose a question and shuffle the deck (Mescola il mazzo):

http://www.innerteam.it/tarocchi1am.asp?

Just observe the card and your feelings towards the card: if you like or dislike it, if it represents you or is the opposite of you. What would the card tell you about your theme if it could talk?
Observe the card as you would reflect on a dream, trying to feel what is in it for you.
The more relaxed and open you are the better the experience will be.

The most important thing I’ve learned about Tarots is that you don’t need to know the traditional meaning assigned to the cards to work with them. In fact some of the most beautiful insights happens to people who don’t know the theory behind the Tarots and just observe the images in the cards and experience the energies that are triggered.

Blog at WordPress.com.